I have decided … well, sort of …

This morning I made a decision, one I kind of made last night, that no matter who doesn’t like it, I am going to live my life. Not on the terms of others who think I am kind of nuts, nor of those who think I am well and am putting up a fake front.  I know my body and what I can’t take when it comes to medication and I know that I don’t like my life spread around for all to take in. I am not a people person, of that I really know. Sure I am loving and caring, but to that industry I can not go. So I have decided that a hermit’s life if for me (at least 300 days of the year) so I can work the way I want, with no more controlling people or piers.

Advertisements

As summer closes

It seems that this season summer has gone by too quickly and yet slower than molasses!  I have not enjoyed working this year.  It has become very stressful and I would rather not be around people as much as the museum requires.  I have become less enamored with people as the years pass by.  I just came back from the doctor who has switched out my meds for something which he says should help a bit more.  I hope it helps, but I hold no expectations and only hope for some improvement.  I find that I look forward to labor day more because I can actually start concentrating on my baskets and other crafts which I hope to perfect and eventually sell. With the weather lately, I would love to see some autumn coolness, colors and smells filling the air.  It will be a form of inspiration in a way!

I am sure that the term “best laid plans … ” will come into play as we finish off the last few weeks of summer. My plans are as follows, 1. working on the baskets 2. doing paperwork (IE any catch up I may or may not need to do) 3. go through my clothes and getting rid of those which I don’t need or want. 4. go through all the food stuffs which are outdated and I can not eat.  5. general crafts and clean up.

Well, there is the update for the summer.  Hope you all are doing great and thank you for following my posts.

After effects of Monday!

Funny how one forgets the foolishness of youth!  I DON’T drink, yet I do keep a couple wine coolers back for company (IE Mom). Those have been in my cupboard for over1 1/2 years now. I was so keyed up yesterday that instead of taking a 1/3 of a cup with Ice, I drank down a whole bottle. Needless to say I woke up with a migraine, an upset stomach and cotton mouth.
I swore that I would never overindulge again, yet I ignored that promise and paid the piper for it. So today will be a slow day since I have to drive my son home from Rapid tomorrow which means early down and no hangovers. Chores will help (laundry, baskets, and a few other things) keep me occupied.  Some gal called me up and asked if I had time to go over some items and I flat out said this was one of my “Bad days” instead of saying “hangover.”
I do have good and bad days, usually brought on by stress and being around people. This year seems to be more stressful than most.  I need to work to pay off some bills which are hanging over me (no help for hubster there) plus I promised my friend.  Not next year though!  I am having issues with the whole being in public thing again.  Just wish I could handle it better, then I wouldn’t need the wine coolers for a crutch to get me wound down!

 

 

Another wine cooler Monday!

I know I should get things done today and tomorrow, but I am having issues.  My stomach is really acting up and I am (again) having trouble sleeping.  I know I should be digging out my paints, reeds or the like, but every time I think about it something pops its head out and I find myself having to do things I did not plan on.  I know I should tell visitors “no” and take the proverbial phone off the hook, but that isn’t always as effective as one might think.  I have a neighbor down the block who always shows up unannounced for coffee (wither or not it is ready or I am in the middle of projects. A lady who always wants me to go for coffee with her and my other work that the hubster keeps piling up for me to do. Boy, I could use a wine cooler right about now! One wild berry mix please! Any way, I do hope your days/evenings are doing better than mine lately!

Choices good and bad (well, not TOO bad!).

I know, I know! Another rundown of what is happening this week.  Choice #1: Working this summer: Good? I get out the house a few days a week and am paying off bills I would not have been able to do otherwise. Bad? It is effecting my health. I am getting less and less enamored with working out in the public.  It is dragging me down and I am feeling depressed and stressed. Even my pills aren’t working, and I am NOT going to increase them again for all the gold in the world! They are starting to put me into a sleepwalker state when I take them (too strong).  Choice#2: The basket weaving … I am going to enjoy it … Will bring in funds … Don’t have to interact with people … The jury is still out on the bad!Choice #3 The new phone: Sure it is simple … NOT! I can’t set up individual ring tones … Doesn’t have some of the neat stuff my old phone had, and it is bigger than I wanted! Good? It doesn’t ring on its own and actually works like it is suppose to.

Anyway, I just found out I have to go out a half hour earlier to be around people today due to the Park’s 85th Birthday party. So sorry about the post. Not feeling up to this, but I am doing it for a dear friend. Have a great day!

Feeling disconnected …

I know that this comes and goes, especially for those of us who have dealt with depression and the like. This is one of those times for me. The weather is finally changing to warm (though I have heard it might get cold with possible snow showers later this week), and I have gone outside and soaked up the sun’s warmth. I feel though that I am walking in a fog, like I really am looking into a fishbowl which is my life.

I think that it may be that things are still up in the air for me and it seems that a lot of my so called friends and family are hoping it will fall through. (My mother made it slip that they blame me for loosing the house and not the circumstances surrounding it.  Go figure. They won’t tell me to my face, they will just dis me and not listen to what really happened.  Just like my cousin who ruined our car because he said I lied about sending my uncle the titles to the trailer and car. He never apologized when my uncle said he got them.) What they don’t realize is that I NEED this.  The schooling, being away from home and family, being in another world that is not the norm for here or me. Yes, I have my uppers now, though until I get the partials in the next couple of months, I will be having a balance problem with them. I start back to work at the city museum and gift shop at the end of May, (though again I enjoy the work, I have problems with being around people) and I have still to hear about the schooling and apartment.  It is a lot to think about and have hanging over head. I plan to take the math accuplacer test at the end of this month and I get my last MMR shot in a couple of weeks. I want this all to fall into place but know that it may not.  If I don’t do this I feel that I will never get to know what I could have done or been.

When did this become a board to air hatred?

I was so happy that the election was over. No more hatred spewed on the hearsay of others … NOT There is a line to be drawn in the sand, do it another way!  Yes, I rant, but it is to get something off my chest, not to do a long standing grudge against a man who knows more about foreign policy and business than carrier politicians!  He is enforcing laws already on the books, not sending everyone back who has stayed within the letter of the law.  Those who are here illegally should either do the right thing and go through the process of becoming legal, not just saying because I am a poor little refugee that I have a right to come here without going through the proper channels.  The LAWS are clear. Those who blame him for enforcing those laws and say they want to leave because he got elected and is doing the enforcing should not let the door hit them on the way out.  I am sorry for this outburst, but I am getting tired of all the rhetoric which should be over and done with. Yes, you have a right to YOUR opinion but it should be an INFORMED opinion, not just spreading stuff that is what a preschooler would spread!