I know that this comes and goes, especially for those of us who have dealt with depression and the like. This is one of those times for me. The weather is finally changing to warm (though I have heard it might get cold with possible snow showers later this week), and I have gone outside and soaked up the sun’s warmth. I feel though that I am walking in a fog, like I really am looking into a fishbowl which is my life.
I think that it may be that things are still up in the air for me and it seems that a lot of my so called friends and family are hoping it will fall through. (My mother made it slip that they blame me for loosing the house and not the circumstances surrounding it. Go figure. They won’t tell me to my face, they will just dis me and not listen to what really happened. Just like my cousin who ruined our car because he said I lied about sending my uncle the titles to the trailer and car. He never apologized when my uncle said he got them.) What they don’t realize is that I NEED this. The schooling, being away from home and family, being in another world that is not the norm for here or me. Yes, I have my uppers now, though until I get the partials in the next couple of months, I will be having a balance problem with them. I start back to work at the city museum and gift shop at the end of May, (though again I enjoy the work, I have problems with being around people) and I have still to hear about the schooling and apartment. It is a lot to think about and have hanging over head. I plan to take the math accuplacer test at the end of this month and I get my last MMR shot in a couple of weeks. I want this all to fall into place but know that it may not. If I don’t do this I feel that I will never get to know what I could have done or been.
People may think it is strange I am mentioning both a fur-baby and a human passing in the same post, but since they passed in that sequence over the weekend I will talk about both in this blog.
The fur-baby started out in Michigan where my husband found her at a local shelter. She was the runt of a box of kittens someone had dumped off for adoption/disposal back in 1999. She traveled with him back to California and ended up with mom as her companion in 2004. She ended up traveling with mom to the Dakotas with two other cats and out lived them by many years. She was around 18 when she drew her last breath at 729 am on Sat.
Cleo and his wife were responsible for us moving from New Mexico to the Dakotas, and they became great friends. Cleo ran a real estate business and Carolyn was his partner in the business. Both worked hard in the community who didn’t accept strangers. He had heart problems and Diabetes, which cost him both legs and many trips to the hospital. He was also an unpublished writer for which I hope will not remain so since Carolyn was editing his last book and I hope will have published soon. He passed in his sleep last night.
Today, my sweet Gidget left this world. We will miss her VERY much. We will miss the walks we took, the times she would bark when we would turn on the fans. Her sleeping behind the chair, and the game of “get the bone” where we would try and take her treat and she would snap. We will miss the smile she had as well. I know she is now with Bonnie, her original owner, and Bear, and another Sadie who lived not far from us. I know it will be hard, but I also know she is not suffering and her dignity is intact once again.
I am not saying ALL men are like this, but it seems a huge amount of them are being really idiots. They think that in order to punish someone they have to punish the person’s friends as well. Point: A guy tells a female contractor how to do her job when he doesn’t have experience in that area. He does this on several jobs than starts pestering her to do a small job. She says no. He keeps asking. Note that he only wants to pay 300 total for the labor as well. Finally after the tenth time she gets in his face basically questioning if he is on drugs because he has ignored the fact that she has told him no the past 9 times he asked. So he tells his significant other (who is her friend) that she is not allowed on their property, that the friend can not see nor help her nor even converse with her. Now the affront was that she got in his face and questioned his affiliation with drugs since he seemed to have forgotten the number of times she said no. The friend was not involved at all, yet the friend (husband’s spouse) is being told that the friendship is to be cut off. Now he is spreading HIS version all over town and so is already adding to the lies her brother has already spread and so is ruining her reputation and livelihood in the town. It seems like men penalize their wives/girlfriends/significant others for things that they have no part in. And it is getting worse. They have no right yet they think they rule over the lives of everyone and take no responsibility for THEIR part in the problem.