I know that this comes and goes, especially for those of us who have dealt with depression and the like. This is one of those times for me. The weather is finally changing to warm (though I have heard it might get cold with possible snow showers later this week), and I have gone outside and soaked up the sun’s warmth. I feel though that I am walking in a fog, like I really am looking into a fishbowl which is my life.
I think that it may be that things are still up in the air for me and it seems that a lot of my so called friends and family are hoping it will fall through. (My mother made it slip that they blame me for loosing the house and not the circumstances surrounding it. Go figure. They won’t tell me to my face, they will just dis me and not listen to what really happened. Just like my cousin who ruined our car because he said I lied about sending my uncle the titles to the trailer and car. He never apologized when my uncle said he got them.) What they don’t realize is that I NEED this. The schooling, being away from home and family, being in another world that is not the norm for here or me. Yes, I have my uppers now, though until I get the partials in the next couple of months, I will be having a balance problem with them. I start back to work at the city museum and gift shop at the end of May, (though again I enjoy the work, I have problems with being around people) and I have still to hear about the schooling and apartment. It is a lot to think about and have hanging over head. I plan to take the math accuplacer test at the end of this month and I get my last MMR shot in a couple of weeks. I want this all to fall into place but know that it may not. If I don’t do this I feel that I will never get to know what I could have done or been.
I was so happy that the election was over. No more hatred spewed on the hearsay of others … NOT ! There is a line to be drawn in the sand, do it another way! Yes, I rant, but it is to get something off my chest, not to do a long standing grudge against a man who knows more about foreign policy and business than carrier politicians! He is enforcing laws already on the books, not sending everyone back who has stayed within the letter of the law. Those who are here illegally should either do the right thing and go through the process of becoming legal, not just saying because I am a poor little refugee that I have a right to come here without going through the proper channels. The LAWS are clear. Those who blame him for enforcing those laws and say they want to leave because he got elected and is doing the enforcing should not let the door hit them on the way out. I am sorry for this outburst, but I am getting tired of all the rhetoric which should be over and done with. Yes, you have a right to YOUR opinion but it should be an INFORMED opinion, not just spreading stuff that is what a preschooler would spread!
My hubster decided to look for a friend for Sadie, so he went on line. We found a Blue Heeler mix, male pup. Today we went to N. Dakota to see this pup. He lived in an apartment with a young couple whom we believe kept him in a cage while they worked. We got him home and introduced him to Sadie at Mom’s. They played a bit and seemed to get along … until we got home. He just won’t leave her alone. Right now, he is laying beside me in a semi calm while Sadie is stressing out. She will go up with Ed tonight and he will stay with me downstairs. I just hope that they will relax around each other soon! I need to go to work this weekend! Will post photos next week when I am done working.
Well, tomorrow is it. My son is going to move to another town (over 3 hours away) to go to college. My hubster is taking him down so Thurs. he can settle into his apartment and get the feel of the area before Monday when he starts his classes. Scary that at 26 he has finally decided on a set of courses and is starting a new life. All his life he has had either his grandmother or us within a 5 – 10 min. drive if there was a problem. Now he is officially going to be on his own. I pray he has the strength and courage to take on this challenge to better his life. I know we will miss him as he starts college. I know that mom is already missing him because she cried today. He will be on his own in a life changing situation. I am hoping for the best for him on his “M” day!
There are times when one has to think … Is this all worth it? Not trying to be cynical or even glib, but this is one of those days in the holiday season when I have to wonder why I am doing anything for the season. Now don’t get me wrong, I happen to like decorating, festive music and the like but when ideas fall short and money is super non existent and family doesn’t even try but expect you to carry the brunt of everything I ask you … Is it all worth it?!?!?!
Why must we be so hectic, angry and self-serving? I mean, look around you! There is this beautiful world which we live in. With Technology came stress and time-clocks. People began rushing about trying to get to where-so-ever they were headed in record time to they could accomplish more and make more money to buy more “stuff”. Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with some of the tech out there, and working is a satisfying pass-time, but as a local priest asked, “What in the world do we need a vacuum which costs $800? It sucks!” I agree. I mean I look at all those “MUST HAVE DESIGNER BRAND” clothes, appliances and more and wonder why we (according to the adverts and our peers) Absolutely need them!
I was asked what I was looking for out of life. My answer is simple. I want peace. Oh, I don’t mean no war or such, though that would be nice, I mean peace with myself. No stress, no rushing about to earn enough to buy crap I don’t even need. I would do with out cell phones (and might still if they discontinue the flip phones), IPADS, TV, electric/computerized cars and clothes which (to me) makes you look like either a hooker or tent!
I want to spend time in nature, working on my art, poetry, prose, writings. Working with animals and in a garden, and in general only leave and go to the larger cities when I need to buy appliances, material for making clothes, clothes I can’t make on my own and entertainment (which is VERY seldom!). Peace to me is spending time with family, doing projects together and sharing ideas.
People who look down on the Amish and those who live in a similar way just because “Things/Stuff” doesn’t center around how they live will never understand this. Wanting to be without material things and to be uninterested in showing up everyone because you spent money on a $800 vacuum which you really didn’t need or $1,000 on an outfit or shoes, doesn’t make you quaint, backwards or hicks. It just means your have different priorities and values in your life. Thanks for reading.
You set up meals, (Breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snacks) set up for the next day, be sure he takes his meds when needed and on time, get him things he likes without having to request them. And what does he do when he gets home from a trip/work/being out with friends? “I miss my girls! Yes I do!” as the DOGS get petted and hugged. MEN! URG! And yes, this is a rant.