I was thinking about this while waiting for my mother’s church services to be over. You actually can be lonely in a crowd of people. Especially when the crowd is made up of clicks and other groups which are not anything you personally would be involved in or they consider you an outsider and refuse to give you the time of day. No one else may see it. They may see you as being the one who is stuck up, but that is because they are not experiencing what is happening to you. Or maybe they have and are afraid to step up and take join you. It is sad really. You can give all the ideas you want but they will put them then in front of you, change one or two words then present the ideas as their own and get it approved. This is the life of an outsider in a crowd of strangers who live in the same town. This is the life of a person who lives life outside the box called moral minority.
This is how I cope with being different and not a native in a small town. I avoid joining groups, create things, read, listen to music, dancing as if no one can see me and even sing as if no one can hear me. People give me weird looks but I smile and greet them, ignoring their hateful or even aloof stares. I even had one lady tell me I didn’t belong because I was too friendly. I no longer sweat the idiots who isolate those of us who are individuals. I “kill them with kindness.” I had a friend once who said she saw a sign once which stated “Smile, it will make people wonder what you are up to.” I take this saying to heart and it makes it less lonesome in a crowd.